Hi
This is my post
This one is about everything
About how a beginning can be an ending
About how to begin an ending
About how to ending something that has been begun
I still thinking about quitting my study
Still haven't decide anything yet
Just my heart is inclined towards to quit
It is not easy, i know
To face everyone
To face my family
To tell them i want to quit
Mayn, i have no gut to do so
Seriously, ditelan mati emak diluah mati bapa
I'm in that dilemma
Here are my reasons why i decide to quit my study
1. Lost interest
I already lost my interest . At first, yes i admit that i love what i do. I love it in every way.
But, i already lost interest to continuing my study. My heart is literally not there. How can a person still continuing something they didn't have their heart on it?
2. Sucks environment
I'm in my Bachelor of Design. I already felt how the Diploma's environment. It is definitely differences than Degree. Degree sucks. Fuck degree.
The environment seriously. I'm speechless. The classmate sucks. The lecturers sucks. Everything about degree was sucks. Everybody is selfish and it is all about themselves.
Selfishness level: 227394738%
3. Pressure
How a pressure cooker can cook in a short of time, that is how i feels.
I'm literally not a person who can works under pressure
I will never told the interviewers that i'm a person that can works under pressure
Cause i dont!
I have depression!
I will make an entry about depression later.
I already in suicide phase few times.
4. For the sake of others
I can be in tears if I talk about this and depression
Honestly the 'others' is actually my family. My parents and my brothers. Surprise, im the only daughter!
It is not about my parents didn't give a green light to study. It is not
Yes, my families hesitate if i continuing study straight after graduating my diploma.
They ask me to work first collect some money
But the stupid ass of me want to continue quick
And regret that
Literally the decision to continuing degree is totally wrong
Or the decision to study the same course is actually wrong.
Actually i want to work
So that i can earn money
And give it to my parents
To repay all my brother's kindness whose always give me money when i broke during my diploma
I want to work so that i can fund my lil brother once he continue study
He already 17
I'm sure he want to further study like i do
He have a dream like i do
I already pursue the beginning of my dream
And this is the time for my brother to do so
I have a story.
I still remember, my lil brother is an independent guy. Same goes to my oldest brother. Im the only useless siblings and i know it.
My brother working part time at my oldest brother's workplace so that he can buy the motorcycle's spare part. Or have an enjoy moments with his friend. He is someone whose work for something he want. While me, all i do is ask for money. Im so useless.
Once he gave my mum his salary to bought groceries.
Once, when i'm at home for a holiday break. And going back to my university, my lil brother gave me some money through my father (cause he is going to school and i still sleeping) cause he said im in my final week and need lots of money. Im in awe
Im so proud of you bro. I promise will repay you someday. I promise will repay my parents and my oldest brother too.
I know im not a good child. But im sure i will be a good one.
InshaaAllah
Lots of love, Sarahzek
